Everything is different.
Last night I was in bed thinking of how different my life is now compared to a year ago. Even how different it was 2 ½ months ago. I was trying to explain how I felt to Tony and the only thing I could say that made sense to me was, “everything is different, the way it feels to breathe is different”. What I meant by that was that everything in my soul feels different after having a baby.
My daily routine is different, the choices I make are different, the things I day dream about are different, the clothes I wear are different, the songs that have meaning to me are different, the conversations I have with my friends are different. The first thing I think about in the morning to the last thing I think at night is different. The way I feel inside is different.
I love it. I know everyone experiences motherhood differently, but the changes I’ve felt have been amazing. I don’t think I expected it to feel like this, to be honest.
Tony and I danced to the first verse of a song for our first dance at our wedding. The song was about not knowing what you wanted until you married the person you married. I actually never listened to the second verse of that song because I knew we weren’t going to use the whole song. I recently heard the second verse of the song:
Never pictured myself singing lullabies
Sitting in a rocking chair in the middle of the night
In the quiet, in the dark
You’re stealing every bit of my heart with your daddy’s eyes
What a sweet surprise
And now I’m holdin’ what I never knew I always wanted
I couldn’t see, I was blind ’til my eyes were opened
I didn’t know there was a hole
Something missing in my soul
‘Til you filled it up, oh, with your love
Life has a way of showing you just what you need
And who you were made to be.